he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i think my cat just said my name.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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