i just wanna soil my oats bro
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
