best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
