Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
