Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
