Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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