I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
