remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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