I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
