Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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