Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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