Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
