oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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