the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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