So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
