i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i will never coherently bang her
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
