The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
