You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
