Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
