Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
