do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
