Nicole vs. Life
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
