Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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