we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
