This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
