I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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