I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize