If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
