I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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