I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so explain again why im purple
no
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
