you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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