Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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