I got chris browned last night
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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