yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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