Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
