chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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