I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
