Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
