someone get that fucking seahorse.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
