so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize