hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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