I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
