hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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