After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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