It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
