I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
