You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
