if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she peed on how many people?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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