Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
