Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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