OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
