I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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