About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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