My first STD was from a foam party
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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