so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
