dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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