for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
