So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
