I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
