Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
