Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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