In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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