My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize