Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
